


Aw, Coffee, No.

by Paraprosdokia (ChangeableConsistency)



Category: Hawkeye (Comics), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Clint Barton-centric, Clint POV, Coffee, Gen, Humor, Magical Accidents, Magical Artifacts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:53:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23548714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChangeableConsistency/pseuds/Paraprosdokia
Summary: The Amulet of Kalmari has a sense of humor.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	Aw, Coffee, No.

**Author's Note:**

> From the prompt:
> 
> At the Coffee Drive Thru
> 
> You are an inanimate object at the coffee house drive thru and you are witnessing an interaction between a customer and the barista. 
> 
> I didn’t exactly stick with the prompt, but I had fun with it.

“What a cute mug!” The barista says, taking the Hawkeye themed travel mug from Tasha; he winks at her and says conspiratorially, “He’s my favorite.”

“Mine, too.”

Aw, Tasha. 

The barista can’t read Tasha’s smile, but Clint can, and he realizes she doesn’t know he can hear her. 

Oh, no. 

This is bad. 

She doesn’t think he can hear her because she doesn’t know he’s him. 

Look, it’s not his fault that someone (not him, they haven’t made Clint keep track of any recovered artifacts since that whole thing with the Shi’ar) left the Amulet of Kalmari just sitting on the counter. 

Okay, maybe it’s a little his fault for picking it up, but in his defense it was between him and coffee. 

Though now literally nothing will be getting between him and his coffee. 

Stupid literal wish granting magic.

The barista takes the mug and sets it next to the espresso machine and Clint finally gets a good look at himself. 

He looks a lot like one of those nouveau-retro lunch box thermoses, with Hawkeye leaping through— across? A purple (naturally) background, bow fully drawn; and hey! Look! He’s wearing the damn Amulet around his neck. 

So all he needs is for Tasha to stop flirting with the barista and figure out a way to turn him back. 

Easy. 

Not easy.

Even though there’s a line of cars forming up behind her, she and Tim or Jim or whatever are still chatting away. In the reflection he sees her even do that thing where she rests her fingers against the inside of his wrist and, yeah, they’re going to be here a while. 

He kind of zones out for a bit but then finally, _finally,_ some good comes out of this and the barista starts pouring coffee into him: Dream Achieved. 

Wait. 

No. 

No, no, no.

_He can’t even taste it!_

What kind of rinky dink penny ante magical bullshit is this?!

He fumes all the way back to the Tower.

“Anyone see Clint?” Tasha calls out to the common room where everyone’s gathered for breakfast, waving him around the room and making him dizzy.

Tony has the coffee maker in pieces, a wrench in hand, a smudge of grease on his forehead, “We thought he was with you?”

Natasha shakes her head, “He’s not in his room, either.”

“Is he not storing away the Amulet of Kalmari?” Thor asks.

“No,” everyone choruses.

“Clint isn’t allowed near any more manically artifacts. Not after the fiasco with the M'Kraan Crystal,” Steve reminds Thor, “And I thought you were taking care of it?”

“I set it down on the counter next to Tony’s marvelous coffee machine while I was in the pantry; when I can back the machine was broken and Clint and the Amulet were gone. I assumed he was taking care of it.

“Tony?” Steve asks.

“It wasn’t here when I started,” Tony says, “So what, he broke the machine _and_ took the Amulet? Why?”

“Um, guys? I think I found the Amulet. And maybe Clint?”

“Bruce?” Natasha asks.

Hey! 

Bruce raps his knuckles against Clint, and while his sense of touch is all off, it still rattles him.

“What are you…” Natasha trails off as she examines him, “He’s wearing the Amulet.”

She taps the tip of her finger nail against him in a way that makes him wish he could squirm and suddenly he’s in her arms and they’re collapsing in a heap: Clint, Natasha, and Bruce.

Clint holds up the Amulet from the middle of the pile of superheroes and, coffee soaking into his shirt, begs, “Somebody, please get this away from me and get me a cup of coffee.”


End file.
